Losing
by Saharra Shadow
Summary: "Year three. And we’ve all gone too Dad’s check up. I graduate this year. It’ll be fine. Just a normal thing. That’s all it was, right? No, just more questions then answers."


Nightshadow: Welcome all. I like sap, really I do, but this isn't sap. It's not a deathfic, though, but it's not happy either. And it's real, too real. I truly wish with all my heart it were a story because then I could hit the delete key and it'd be gone, but I can't.

Pairings: 1x2x1 and they have a kid.

Disclaimer: I don't own the g-boys. And I don't own the tale. Life does. It decides this one, or really fate does. I do own the poem though. 

Losing

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How many flowers are in the sky?

Me, Dad, and Papa had gone to the beach. Dad was having the time of his life as he dunked Papa under the water. His violet eyes were sparkling with merriment and the life they held as Papa's dark hair was plastered over his eyes by the cool salt-water. Nothing could stop Dad, not even breast cancer. Grinning I joined them in the sparkling water, but I opted to float and watch the sky instead of roughhouse, remembering what we'd defeated; The months of chemo and the ghosts of his old smile. He'd been so tired and neither of us nor any of the others could do anything. All we could do was stand by him and catch him when he threatened to fall. We did and eventually his battle was won. We didn't lose him. We couldn't. After all, he was Shinigami and the life of us all. 

__

How many birds are below the sea?

Smiling I watch from my hiding tree as Dad and Papa walk off to their supposed hiding place. They never realized I found it long ago. Eh, I was ten and curious about everything. Still am, in fact and I think I'll stay that way, but today…Today is for them. I can find something else to keep me occupied. Let them steal this moment of peace in life. They've earned it.

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How many horses are in the dawn?

Odd how time passes. It seems that only yesterday I was making messes with crayons, and now only months to go before I graduate. Then I'm off to college and finding something to do with my life. Dad's not changed a bit in all that time though. He and Papa still play 'Tag' in the kitchen. So many years have come and gone. And so many more are yet due. Life couldn't be more perfect. We have a future to find and dreams to hope for. 

__

How many cats are within the heart?

Ohhhhh, am I EVER going to get them! Those two BAKAS woke me up with a kool-aid shower! Just wait till their b-days comes around! I'll GET them! But for the moment I'm going to catch them and soak them both in a hug with my kool-aid clothes. Only these two would consider this a birthday, and for that I'm always grateful. No one can ever say we don't love each other.

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Or are there none of each?

Who knows, not me.

My world spins too crazily.

Year three. And we've all gone too Dad's check up. I graduate this year. It'll be fine. Just a normal thing. That's all it was, right? No, just more questions then answers. An abnormality on the bone of his arm, they say. It could be a bone cyst. They don't know. It could be benign or malignant. They don't know. They don't know…And my world spins out of control.

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I lost the flowers to the ground.

The Doctor's still talking. I can hear him now. He's talking about consequences. What happens if it is malignant or benign. If it's benign, we remove it and its over. If not… He pauses, watching as Papa pulls Dad into his lap. If not a three-year life span is the most we can hope for. Benign is the road we want, but will we instead walk the road of death?

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I lost the birds to the storm.

We head home, only to find messages from the others. They all care so much. And when they hear, they all come rushing over. We sit together, Papa holding Dad as they tell the others. There will be no stolen peace today. We've been set adrift and chaos guides our craft.

__

I lost the horses to the night.

We all revive the jokes of old. Jokes we've used before. How death can't kill death. Hollow laughter sounds around the room and silent tears we all refuse to see now fall. Our hopeful dreams are slowly shattering and dark doubt replaces its light.

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I lost the cats unto time.

I walk over to curl against my Dad, one arm reaching for Papa. Time's flying past even now, and I wonder will it continue its flight and steal my Daddy from us, replacing love with grief? Will it?

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Where did they go?

Who knows, not me.

My world spins too crazily.

…spins too crazily.

I close my eyes and lean against them both. The world's spinning again, the questions waiting for answers. Will it stop when the answers come or only pick up it's pace? I don't know, but I wish I did.

~ Owari

Nightshadow: The poem is mine. I wrote it for my Mom as we wait for the answers we seek. Till then, the world shall spin. And yes, men can get breast cancer. It's just extremely rare. ***Update. Has a sequel. 

Losing

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How many flowers are in the sky?

How many birds are below the sea?

How many horses are in the dawn?

How many cats are within the heart?

Or are there none of each?

Who knows, not me.

My world spins too crazily.

I lost the flowers to the ground.

I lost the birds to the storm.

I lost the horses to the night.

I lost the cats unto time.

Where did they go?

Who knows, not me.

My world spins too crazily.

…spins too crazily.


End file.
